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Greetings to all!
Wow, early morning hour and I am creating a post for my blog. For those of you who know me, this is not my time of day to function. This morning is different. I had dinner with a dear friend last night. I went to bed with a happy heart, thinking about our conversation. She is the daughter of a very good friend of mine. I have known this young lady since she was about 9 or 10 years of age. She is my daughter's age. It is always a pleasure to spend time with her. And to top it all off I saw her son before I had dinner with her. Unexpected but oh my what a good 15 minutes or so I had with him. I would call that a double blessing.
I have certain people in my life that I intentionally spend time with. Whether it is dinner/lunch, text or a brief phone call, I make it my business to stay in touch. These gatherings/rendezvous are priceless. They rejuvenate you, they give you fresh air to breath, they are a reminder of days gone by. This intentional, personal connection creates a bond that connects you to humankind. Do you have people in your life that make you feel that way? It can be days, months or even years that pass by and you reunite with them and it feels like not one day has passed since you saw them last. Their presence, if only for a short period of time, seems to lift all the world's weight off of your shoulders. You always feel better once you leave the moment with them. The time together is never enough but yet it quenchs the desire of their friendship until the next time.
I have been thinking about those relationships in my life this morning. In my writing I will often refer to holy messengers. As DRE of our local church parish for nine years, I attended many mandatory meetings hosted by the Diocese. At these meetings you were surrounded by others in the same position as yours from other parishes. I remember a few years back, I happend to mention holy messengers that God had placed in my life. I felt comfortable describing those special people in my life as holy messengers. I assumed that everyone at the table would understand the language, but I was wrong. A few people were uncomfortable, some eyes rolled and one person at the table finds the courage to ask what is a holy messenger. Without hesitation I began to sing like a bird. I had so much to say about the holy messengers in my life. I began to speak about people God had placed on my journey, who gave me strength for the journey. I spoke of people that had encouraged me in ways I didn't know I needed the encouragement. I must have shared the experiences for at least ten to fifteen minutes. I expected those in the group to be intrigued by the witnessing. Why, you might ask. Well everyone at the table was serving in some capacity in a church parish. They were leaders of spiritual formation, called by God to serve his people. This was not the case at all. They did not receive with open hearts. One or two of the group did but the others could not embrace the idea of a holy messenger. This was a learning experience for me. I realized when leaving the meeting that some do have difficulty in embracing the idea that God is that intentional and specific about individuals. They see God in a broader concept but for him to act specifically for you, to claim he intentionally does everything he can to keep you on course for his divine plan for your life is very difficult to embrace.
This morning I thought about that encounter at that meeting. I don't regret sharing my thoughts because I believe someone had to hear that. It is my hope that they left the table thinking about those special people in their lives. It is my hope as you read this that you began to think about those holy messengers in your life. Those people who have been in and out of your lives and who made you feel loved. They were encounters with God himself because they made you feel stronger, they took time to care. What we must realize is that we are God's children. We are not just groups of individuals he is lording over. We are his sons and daughters. I believe he knows when we need to be loved in a special way, when we need a good listener we call a friend. He has a plan for you and me and all of humankind. He created humankind because he simply wanted to love and be loved back.
Perhaps you have not looked at God in that capacity. Someone you can sit and talk with, someone that is ever ready to grant your request and someone who will go to the ends of the earth to protect you. It's called RELATIONSHIP. Religion plays a part in our spiritual formation but it is the relationship with God that helps you embrace that agape love. Relationship helps you to see you are his son, you are his daughter. Think of your earthly parents and how much they love you and would sacrifice for you. (though not all parents do such) I believe the majority of parents who have children do love their children with an everlasting love. God's love surpasses that level of love. I have experienced such.
This morning I share this concept of holy messengers with you. I will continue to speak of the goodness of God through the existence of those special people in my life. They bring goodness, peace, unity, joy unspeakable. They bless you in ways that you don't deserve. They are the face of God in your life, they represent that unconditional love of God. Take some time, contact one of those holy messengers in your life, share some time with them, take a load off and sit in the presence of God. If you can't meet with them, call them, text or email them. Connect, for when you do you have set yourself up for some time with God. I definitely had an enounter with the holy one last night. So much so, he had me up this morning putting these words to the paper. How awesome is that! Amen
PEACE
Wanda
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Greetings to All!
It has been a lazy day for me. I woke up around 9:30am. My husband was preparing lunch so I was free of making the decision of what we were having for lunch. I had a small salad, some tea and sat down to enjoy the Food Network on a Saturday morning. "The Kitchen" is my favorite program on the Food Network and it was listed, so I tuned in. I pulled a blanket over my body and enjoyed. After about an hour or so of relaxation I begin to think about what my post would be about today. The highlight of my day would be the LSU vs McNeese football game and that is not scheduled until 6:45pm this evening. As I was contemplating what to post I had a quick prompting of the spirit, "Pull one of your journals." I went to my bedroom and chose one. When I saw it I knew it was the one. To my surprise it began with June, 2025.
Such a good memory to begin with, my grandson's graduation from 8th grade. Oh what a wonderful day that was. My husband and I had traveled to DC for the occasion. I remember the weather was beautiful. It was a perfect day, a little on the warm side but wonderful. My prayer for Nathan that day was as follows: "Lord I ask for a long life for my grandson. I ask for good health and longevity. I pray Father that you shall bless him beyond measure and may you carry him in the palm of your hand. I ask Lord that you protect him all the days of his life. I ask Father that you impart knowledge and wisdom one thousand times more unto him in every aspect of his Life. I give you thanks and praise for answered prayer." This prayer flooded my spirit like a tidal wave. He is now a sophmore in high school and God has kept his word thus far.
As I moved along in the journal this was the next notation: I had received word of Father Greg's death. Quite a contrast, from the mountain to the valley. I began to weep as soon as I read the notation. I had totally forgotten we were in DC to celebrate Nathan's graduation. I did not linger but it did jolt my memory. I could remember exactly where I was and I remembered all the details of that most haunting moment. I was surrounded by my family which I was most grateful for. I missed his funeral due to my being in Washington but I remembered mourning his death in a very intense way. The distance made it so much more difficult. I noticed a notation I made in the journal a few days later. It was a word from God and it went like this:
God reveals Father Greg's position in my work at St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church: God speaks: "Wanda, Father Greg was my shield of protection for you in that church parish. Without this shephered, my protection for you will be gone. You must prepare to leave. You cannot stay for your students, I shall take care of them." You must understand I had not visualized Father Greg as a shield of protection in my work as DRE. This was quite an eye opener for me but it was in line with a word from God I had received in 2023 at Manresa. I had made a note of the message received in Manresa. The Manresa retreat was scheduled for all church parish staffs in the Diocese. During adoration I received a word from God that I must move from the well, it was no longer part of God's plan for me. He also told me that the well no longer had living water to give. At that point, 2023, I did not equate the well to the DRE position.
I shared the message with Father Greg and after months of discernment and prayer he felt the message was pertaining to my work as DRE. With patient perserverance he helped me implement a plan to leave the work I so dearly loved. Father Greg knew we would walk this out by faith and not by sight. He was so attentive to my thoughts and my staying in alignment with the message from Manresa. I began to down size and it took some time but things began to flow without much resistance. We took my position and made two positions of it. I chose to work less hours so we could pay the two people chosen for the positions. I began downsizing hours but not the work load. These instructions came from God as to how to accomplish what I could see in my spirit. The Lord made it clear to me who the two people should be. Father Greg tested those waters quite thoroughly. After months of prayer and discernment we were moving forward. By the end of 2025, the plan was in place and I would be leaving in March of 2026. I was being obedient under the guidance of a man of God and all had come to full fruition.
Preparation, preparation, preparation by a divine encounter. I have thought of this spiritual movement time and time again since that moment in time. God spoke in 2023, Father Greg and I began to move forward slowly and intentionally. Neither one of us ever thought of one of us dying. Well I know I did not. Oh but God, he knew all along what was coming. He knew the devastation that would linger in my soul to lose Father Greg suddenly. What a loving Father we serve? Just think if I would have ignored the prompting, if I would have brushed it off and not been listening intently in adoration. It would not have been God's fault but it would have been negligence on my part. I will be eternally grateful to God for the preparation to leave the well. To leave the well that I would no longer receive living water. Another miracle in my life. I have had so many miraculous encounters I have lost count.
Trust in God. Trust that he knows what is best for you. He loves you. No one else loves you more and that includes those closest to you. If you read my post yesterday concerning the Bayou Jacob property, I believe that prompting is preparing me for something ahead also. I have the same feelings as I did in 2023. Unsure, some confusion, the decision to go/not to sell, is this really you God? As I am writing this post today, I realize I have the same uncertainties I had when I had to prepare to leave the DRE position. This journal post is reassuring me spiritually, I have heard the still small voice within concerning the property. I cannot see what is ahead of me but I have learned I don't have to see. God has a plan for you and it is always a plan to prosper, to protect, to guide and keep you in divine alignment. Amen
PEACE
Wanda
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Greetings to All!
Today was a good day! I started the day attending 8 am Mass at Sacred Heart of Jesus Chuch. It was the school Mass for the week and I love attending with the students of Sacred Heart. Both my children are alumni of Sacred Heart. When I sit in a school Mass I have such fond memories of those precious years with my children when they were younger. My granddaughter attends Sacred Heart and she was part of the Liturgy of the Mass today. I did not speak with her today nor did I get to sit with her but I was content being a part of the celebration of the Eucharist . After Mass, Father Josh blessed all pets that were brought to school for the Blessing of the Pets. I love seeing all the different pets that families bring for the blessing. Many cannot bring their pets but they are present in the hearts of their loved ones. A good start for a Friday.
While in church today I had a lot of interceding to do for friends and family. A dear friend of mine and her best friend are leaving for Italy this weekend. They both are 60 years of age this year and are celebrating in Italy. How wonderful is that. What a blessing. I interceded for safe travels, for protection and a safe visit while they are in Italy. I believe they shall be filled with immeasurable joy and peace. It will be the trip of a life time. God shall see to it. I also interceded for my daughter and her husband. They will be traveling to Japan, business for him and leisure for both of them. Again, I interceded for protection, safe travels, and a safe visit while they are in Japan. This is the beginning of many more trips for them. They are blessed beyond measure.
I did find myself restless today once I arrived home. Friday's can be that way. I tend to think about my week on Friday. I always have, since I was a young girl. I looked at Friday as the end of a week. A time to reflect about what I accomplished and what I didn't do that I wanted to do. I do linger on the why and why nots of my life. Today I had mixed feelings about my week. We live on about 18 acres of land in a house that needs lots of repair. We have not been negligent but we have had a hard journey. My husband was disabled at 42 years of age in the year 2000. Here we are in 2026, and he has survived all the ins and outs of his medical problems. He had a massive stroke in 2000, 2002 a brain stimulator was placed in his brain to replace the damaged thalamus, 2003 he had a stent placed in his heart, 2007 or so he was diagnosed with Parkinson's, 2012 he incurred a blood infection that almost ended his life, and more came through the years. The most significant problems today are heart failure and alzheimers. Don't know why, but today I kept thinking about his journey and my caregiving all those years. Let us not forget somewhere around 2019 I was diagnosed with cancer. On top of all the above I journeyed through that process and by the grace of God I was made whole.
This week we made the final decision on whether or not we would sell part of the Bayou Jacob property. We have been deliberating for a few months now but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It had nothing to do with the buyers, the money or any of that. It had to do with matters of the heart. The sale of part of the property would have cleared the mortgage and given us an opportunity for repair of the house. It just didn't fit well with my spirit. My divine alignment was off balance. I know many do not understand what I am saying but some of you will. There is something very sacred about this place. I see it as something that we held on to through all the adversity. It was a constant reminder that we were still standing strong against all the chaos. The sale of the acreage was quite tempting and the buyer was quite generous and so easy to work with but still something did not feel right. This had more to do with me than anything or anyone else. I am writing about me tonight. It is very difficult to live in this world and keep an attentive ear to the voice of God. Everything seemed so right as to why to sell according to the world's way of doing things. But the closer it came to giving up a piece of something that has become a part of my soul was difficult. I opted not to sell.
So today, I was left with all those thoughts (not of God). Those voices that try to undermine your stance. Those voices that make you feel that you have made a terrible mistake and you have missed the opportunity of a life time. I believe I made a hard, firm decision that will not be logical to most but I believe God has something else in mind. I don't know what his plan is but I know He shall reveal in due season. This is not easy to do. I would like to say I am absolutely sure I did the right thing but I don't according to my way of thinking or the worlds' way. I did not feel I had full clearance to go forward spiritually. Many would say, "So what now?" What's next?" I wait, I pray and I don't worry. I believe in a God who is faithful. During Mass the song that was sung by the choir while we were receiving the Eucharist was "The Goodness of God." Some of the lyrics I love in this song bring me to tears and after this week I needed to hear those words. I felt it was God's way of saying, "We have been here before you and me. I have been faithful to you and I will continue to be faithful to you because you are mine. I love you."
I BELIEVE. I RECEIVE. I SHALL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED. AMEN
PEACE
Wanda
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Greetings to All!
I will write frequently of my mentor, my friend and confidant', Dr. G. Ellis Sandoz, Jr. Dr. Sandoz to me. I think of him everyday. There were bits of wisdom he planted in my life that keep his memory alive and well. Today I lingered on a journal writing dated October 28, 2024. I noted the the day of his death which was Sepember 19, 2023. I noted that the grief I felt after his death had lingered more than the loss of others in my life. It seemed to have been letting go of me after ten or eleven months. I took some time on that morning to talk to God about this special, holy messenger God had sent my way. I said, "God you sent this wonderful man into my life and he created such a marvelous part of my journey. Thank you Father for allowing his life to cross with my life. I am stronger Lord because of it. I believe more in myself because of Dr. Sandoz. My faith is stronger because of my time with him. He simply helped me BELIEVE in myself. He also helped me to believe all things are possible, to know that my actions had consequences (bad or good). Our actions seal the covenant with God. What we say, what we do are all evidence of what type of faith we possess."
God has used his voice many times to get my attention. I thought about the wisdom he imparted unto me through Dr. Sandoz. How blessed I am by just his memory. I can still here him say as he walked by my desk, "You are better than this Wanda." I was his assistant for fourteen years and for at least ten of those years he encouraged me to finish my degree and press on. In those ten years I begin to believe because he would not let me forget what I was capable of.
Once he retired and moved to Pensacola, I visited him every four to six months until he died. When I was diagnosed with cancer, he just would not accept that God had planned this. When I went to visit after my chemo treatments he shared with me the conversation he had with God when he heard I had cancer. He said, "Wanda, I discussed your situation with God. First I came before God and asked why? Why her? She has traveled the straight and narrow. She has not strayed. What are you going to do about this Lord? Surely you have a plan to heal, to rescue and restore." He was very passionate in expressing his feelings. He then looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have requested that he take me instead of you because you have so much more to accomplish. So Wanda, if I should die in this time of recovery for you, just know I have requested such." Its hard to put into words what I felt. It was truly a taste of agape love (God's way of loving). Of course, I sent my own prayer up. My prayer was that God not take Dr. Sandoz but allow him to live and see the miracle he was going to perform in my life. I am happy to say God answered. He healed me completely and restored my life and Dr. Sandoz lived. This was the year 2019.
His last words to me before he had his stroke were, "Wanda, God loves you. He has tremendous plans for your life. You are loved." Those words I will treasure. Do you have a special person in your life that has helped you become the best version of yourself? If they are alive, share your feelings with them. Thank them for the journey. Let them know God used them in a mighty way to make your life better. These people are chosen by God and he places them on your journey. They are God's feet and hands in your life. His feet to keep up with you and to steer you in the right direction. His hands to embrace you, love you and make you feel worthy of his love. They are a constant reminder of what God has in store for you. If you are blessed by a holy messenger, thank God everyday for their presence in your life and give him the glory for that person.
PEACE
Wanda
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Good morning everyone. It has been quite a while since I have posted. I have been doing some thinking about my blog. My vision of the blog for many years has been to write from my journals. I have been doing this but I have not been as consistant with presenting my journal writing as I thought I would be. I have taken some time to reflect, meditate and listen to the voice of the spirit within. The journal writing is good (I feel it is) but is that what I should be focusing on. I believe the journals will be part of the blog but I think God is leading me to reflect each day and write about my day or rather what that day has brought me in life's experiences. And to be real about my prayer time and my reflection time. I have been hesitant about writing what the innver voice relays to me about my thoughts, my decisions, what direction to go and I feel God is prompting me to do so.
There is a part of me that has always held back in telling others about hearing that audible voice from within. My students heard the fullness of that through the years I taught Religious Education. Some would call it witnessing, some would say sharing but it opened my student's minds and hearts to an active faith. I have held back publicly or within adult circles because it always seems to lead to a discussion of worldly substance. A direct opposite of what a word from God should do. I believe I have been reprimanded by God himself in the last month or so. He has prompted me to share the day to day in my life. He says, "tell them how I can intervene if only they would listen and heed to the voice within." I know I am exposing myself to non-believers, critics and those who simply will not understand. I didn't feel I had the energy or the patience to take this on but apparently he (God) feels that I do.
I recently pulled a book from my library shelves entitled, "GOD an autobiography, as told to a philosopher." This book was recommended to me by my dear, precious Dr. Sandoz, my mentor. When he suggested it, he referred to the book as something he thought I might enjoy but more importantly understand. As I began to read it years ago I realized I did have an understanding of what the author had to sacrifice to write the book and why. It was at that time in my life that I realized how well Dr. Sandoz understood me and my faith journey. The author, Jerry L. Martin was a philosopher. Jerry did not believe god existed. He had been raised in a Christian home but those beliefs did not survive his chosen path of Philosophy. In writing this book, he knew what it would cost him. Prior to writing the book he had to change the path of his endeavors as a Philosopher and take on the path less traveled by many in his profession. Over time he and his wife made the adjustments and Jerry began to tell the world about hearing the voice of God.
I began reading the book again in the last month or so. I too must be obedient to the voice within. I must be bold and courageous knowing fully well that God is with me. He has been speaking to me since I was a child and I still hear the still small voice within. So we go forward with the blog but with a different level of transparency and vulnerability. I thought about my students over the last nine years and how the sharing of those moments brought the spirit within them to full fruition. There were other methods of teaching with the witnessing that worked together to bring my students to the foot of the cross, to the relationship with God. That is the message I was instructed to bring to them, so now I go public with the same witness, the same boldness to say I BELEIVE and I do hear the voice of God. He is speaking, are you listening?
I wish you well today. May you exprience an encounter with the holy one. If you do, do not be afraid, he is there to love, to protect, to guide, to sustain and hold you in the palm of his hands.
PEACE
Wanda
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I found this subtitle in my journal writing on November 3, 2023. Is there good in everything we experience in life? Apparently on this day I was looking back on my life's journey. I made note of a scripture that says, "God will use everything in our lives for good." Think about that. He uses everything for our good. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly all have some purpose in the grand scheme of things. I made a list of some thoughts that came to mind:
. Look for it - I believe if we are to see the good God chooses to bring into our lives we have to be looking for it. The world is quick and reliable to expose the negativity of what occurs in our daily lives. It is our responsibility to focus on the good. Not everyone can do this so we are to bring that light to those who struggle with the inability to see. Just think if we worked together to eliminate the struggle in our own lives as well as others what affect it would have on the world.
. Hard to see - Good is hard to see at times when we experience many trials and tribulations. I myself have struggled at times in my life to see what God could possibly be doing with this mess. Being a caregiver for 26 years offers me a multitude of reasons why I would have difficulty seeing the purpose. The ups and downs of my husband's medical issues for 26 years has been enough for me to loose my sanity. Somehow in all of the twist and turns of the 26 years God shows up and blesses my husband in ways that are difficult to understand from a human perspective. As for me, it is by God's grace that I have lived and lived well during these years. It has been hard to see at times but clarity comes in the trusting, in believing in a God that does not fail or abandon his children.
. Tension - I have experienced tension in my marriage, in my being a mother, in my role as a caregiver and as a cancer survivor. Tension is often avoided by humans as much as possible. I have discovered that tension can be the onset of a breakthrough. I have discovered that if there is tension in a situation or a relationship, perhaps it is time for you to pay attention. Stop avoiding important signs and tend to your business. Often times the tension is a sign of misalignment in your life. Spiritually, financially, or emtional misalignment can be the sign of something bigger. Tension is not to be avoided, it is to be addressed. If proper attention is given to the tension, you may avoid the adversity.
. What works for me, may not work for you - I can't express this enough. One thing I have learned is that we are the keeper of ourselves, our life's journey. We can take note of other's journeys but you must be the author of your own. You must choose what is best for you. My way may not be good for you. We must realize that we do not know everything that a person is going through. We do not know or understand all that causes the tension/adversity in another person's life. Have a little respect and trust. Do no be quick to judge. You or I don't know all the facts. Be a good listener, show kindness and consider a little mercy.
. Influence that moves us from pure and innocent - Look at the people around you. The people you choose to spend life with. Your spouse, your friends, and companions. How do they influence you? What do their journeys look like? Are they happy and content with their choices? Who you choose to do life with is extremely important for your well being. I am referring to your spouse but the friends you choose to include in that inner circle must be chosen carefully. First we must make sure our motives/decision making process is a pure and innocent process. We are human and we are not perfect but we must work to be as truthful and honest as we can possibly be. Do the friends in your inner circle feel the same? Can they be trusted and are they dependable? These people tend to know more about you than most, even your own family. Are they worthy of that trust? I attribute this assessment vital to self preservation. You must be brutally honest with yourself to protect your life's journey. Sometimes we must separate or walk away from person(s) who may not help us be the best version of ourselves.
My list is much longer than this but I chose what I wanted to address in this journal today. The one thought I leave with you today is to take care of yourself. All of us have dreams and we anticipate the future in all that it has to offer. If you do not take care of yourself, if you do not love yourself it will be hard for anyone else in your circle to care for you or to love you as you should be loved. What we give to others is what we usually get back? Every now and then this does not apply but the majority of the time, you will receive what you give in this life. Choose to be a good friend and you shall have good friends. Choose to be a faithful, trustworthy spouse and you shall have a faithful, trustworthy spouse. If you give the gifts of love, peace and joy; they shall be returned to you. It is really that simple. The prayer of St. Francis of Assissi comes to mind as I complete this article for today.
Peace Prayer of St. Francis of Assissi
Lord, Make me an insturment of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light:
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consolded as to console,
to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love.
For it is giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
AMEN
PEACE
Wanda
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It has been a while since I posted but the last post was taken from October, 1996. I decided to spend some time in 1996 due to the unrest in my husband's behavior and all that was revealed through 1996 and 1997. I seemed to have landed in the Book of Haggai. It is a book in the Bible found toward the end of the Old Testament. Haggai means "one who celebrates" in Hebrew. He is considered the author of the Book of Haggai.
Haggai's words seemed to run parallel with my life at that time of my journey. Haggai was troubled concerning the rebuilding of the temple in Jerusalem. The prophet received a message from Yahweh (God). God expresses to Haggai all that has been done by his people but it seems that they have done much to take care of themselves but very little has been done to restore the House of the Lord (Temple). God's temple in my heart equated to the covenant of marriage. A covenant that had stood strong for 12 to 15 years was now starting to show some wear and tear. Had I been a good steward over my part of the covenant? It seemed that I was concerned about my ability to maintain and sustain the foundation we had created in the Sacrament of Marriage. When things in my life seem to become chaotic or confusing, I take the time to assess my responsibilities and have I lived up to my words of promise. As I read through the months of October and November, I had taken the time to do just that. My notes included comments concerning my behavior with my own Father. I was reminded by scripture to show him mercy and kindness and to pray with him.
My Father was a good man but it became more and more difficult to maintain our relationship once my Mother became ill. My Mother was disabled by a massive heart attack in 1994-1995. She had been a diabetic for many years and neglected to take care of all that the disease brings with it. My Father was approximately two years into being a caregiver when this difficulty began. Now that I am a caregiver, I have a better understanding of why his moods shifted. It seemed important to me to get this right through prayer and meditation. This frustration with my Father may have been causing issues with my relationship with my husband. That's what I thought at the time. I had made a note of something I had read: Faith activates God, it puts him in motion. I began to correct my behavior with my father in hopes that it might have some affect on my behavior with others in my life.
My Father's relationship seemed to be the primary concern as well as helping him take care of my Mother. Looking back, it did take a lot of my time and it caused much frustration in my life. I was also working full time, commuting my two children to school and working on trying to figure out what was causing the ripples in my marriage. How did I maintain my sanity? Whew! It was a great deal to handle but I began to move from Haggai to the Book of Isaiah. In Isaiah 45 he speaks of leveling mountains. Isaiah is reassuring us that God shall go before us to guide us. He says that God shall give us treasures out of the darkness and riches that have been hidden. Then I found myself in Job 22. It states that God delivers those who are innocent. Notes then lead me to Jeremiah 29:14: You will find me with you and I will change your lot. (paraphrase) Day after day I kept recording scripture that I was receiving during my time of meditation. Some of the scriptures I received through the rest of October were Isaiah 49, Isaiah 58:6-14, Isaiah 51:12-16, Isaiah 30:18-19 and Sirach 32:24.
There are more scriptures but I lingered on these few because they are scriptures that reassure the believer that God is his/her strength. I realized in the study of Isaiah 49 that I was chosen by God and that his light was in me because I was his. In Isaiah 58, I discovered part of my purpose was to set captives free, to clothe the naked, to let my light shine and that the Lord himself would be my rear guard. It reassured me that when I called upon the Lord he would answer. This type of reassurance carried through most of the scriptures I listed. After a week or so the notes had shifted from my being concerned about something I had done to cause issues with my husband to God reassuring me that he was going to be with me no matter what layed ahead on my journey. I was still sifting and sorting but I was beginning to feel secure again. I was not perfect but I had done very little to cause the troubles that my husband was dealing with.
In my time of solitude in the presence of God I felt he was telling me that I would be a repairer of the breach. I would be one he would choose to restore ruined homesteads. At that time I was not sure what it all meant but I began to realize he was preparing me for something much darker than I could see. The word breach means a violation of law, obligation (covenant). It is a gap or hole in a solid structure, a disruption of a relationship or bond. I recorded these words on November 7, 1996. If I remember correctly, I did not approach my husband about the other woman until 1997. As I have been reading this journal over the last weeks, I realized how patient God is with us. How tender he was to reveal such ugliness that was occurring in my life. It still seems obvious in my journal that I was taking my time to make sure that I was correct before making such an accusation. I would not or could not be wrong about this because I did not want to cause my children this type of pain if I could avoid it. Once this revelation began to unfold in my quiet time, I started paying attention to my husband's time line. The what, where, why and how became more important to me concerning his words and actions. My eyes were opening and things were getting clearer. When one is dealing with such trauma, I have learned that slow is better. I also learned that gossip can be a huge diversion in seekinig the truth. Who do you trust? I learned that you trust very few.
God became my friend, my partner and my soul companion at this part of my journey. Like Haggai I learned to listen to the messages of Yahweh. He was the one I placed all my trust. Like the 1st temple, my marriage was beginning to lay in ruins. I had invested a lot of love and time but it seemed to have been frugal at this part of the journey. As I began to go forward I realized the rebuilding would take time. Rebuilding what had been breached could not be done by human effort alone. How could I do this? Could I repair the breach? Was I capable of forgiving such a betrayal of love? If not for my reltionship with God and the two children he gave me I do not know that rebuilding/repairing would have been possible.
Peace
Wanda